When We Say Too Much

This post is almost a sequel to my previous; ”Interruption”.

I hear it all the time in arguments; “Just let me speak my piece”. The moment someone says something unfavorable, the other person gets defensive. Whether they respond or not, that feeling of hurt is there. Most people will say they want 100% honesty and will respect it, but it’s almost inevitable that they will be offended when too much is said. How can we say what we feel without holding back? Where is the honesty to yourself if you can not feel comfortable letting it all out?

My answer requires formulation. When I learned how to express myself in systematic terms, I realized how less likely I was to receive negative responses, and gain more respect for my point of views. I also saw how healthy it made communication between myself and others. It is easy to discuss any subject as long as you know who you are talking to and how to speak with them. Notice, I did not say “speak to them”, because when involved in a conversation, it is not always about one person and just listening. This is a balance that is almost always overlooked. Having balance and knowing how to formulate what is going to be said can prevent attack or aggression.

Think before you speak; it’s straight forward advice and a sure way to have a fair debate or discussion. The point will get across with dignity, everything will be said, and “too much” will not be extant. *peace and love*

Original Poetry: And we…

Mmm.

The next morning my eye makeup was smeared and smudged under my eyes. But I was too tired to wipe it off my face before I went to sleep that night.

My body was aching; so sore from moving around him. I just wanted to impress him with my moves.

And we left where we were, being guided by our bodies. Our feet intertwined, and we worked out our core like we were doing pilates!

My heart was pumping so fast. I whispered in his ear, “Let’s make this last”. I just wanted to be close to him.

And we kept moving all over the place. My back was pressed against his chest, but we were face to face.

His hands were exploring my thighs and hips. My gaze was on his luscious lips. When was he going to kiss me?

Mmm.

His body kept me warm and I didn’t care that we were in heat. I just kept moving with the rythm, letting the sweat fall to our feet.

My body was aching; so sore from moving around him. I just wanted to impress him with my moves.

And we danced. So sensually, so sexually. You would have thought we were in love, until we left alone from that club.

Interruption

When I’m having a conversation with someone, I have to fight against the urge to interrupt. The thoughts that come to my mind are so eager to come out, that I almost say what I’m thinking instantaneously. The down-side is that the person speaking feels disrespected if I say what I want at that moment. Another is that I have such an active thought process, that my brain is constantly working; and working against me. I have a tendency to forget what I wanted to respond to after the person has finished what they were saying. I found out recently that the average adult human attention span is about 12 minutes. What use is this to me? I have no idea. It’s actually making me think that I’m not in the average range. My attention span has to be something like 8 seconds!

Really, I don’t understand what the huge deal is about intteruption. I think it’s healthy to be able to speak at will, as long as you allow the person to continue later. This is also coming from someone that has no problem with debate or confrontation, and can deal with small interruptions from others. I understand that it comes off as rude to some people, but I mean no disrespect when I cut someone off to make a comment.

There’s been many times when I actually let someone finish speaking, and reacted later to a statement that was made. It happens more often, than not, that the person doesn’t understand what I am responding to. The problem with this is that topics have such a fast turnover rate in most conversation about things of little importance (small talk). It works in our favor to be able to react immediately. I’d like if there were some people who weren’t so analytical about conversing; or at least within my realm of friends.

I dislike having to apologize when I blurt something out in the middle of a speech. It’s worse when the other goes, “It’s ok” and continues with their words. Because it’s only to have me explaining (and yet again, interrupting) why I felt the urge to get it all out then and there. Maybe this has to do with patience? I don’t know. But one thing is for sure, I don’t think all interruptions are rude, unless you’re trying to be.

Keep talking, keep thinking, keep on keeping it real and say what you feel! *peace and love*

Education Television

A friend of mine offered to provide me with a round-trip to visit her nearly 60 miles away from my home. I hadn’t seen her and her family in a while, so I took her up on the offer. It was a terrible decision. I ended up without a place to stay when her dad had a fit the morning of a scheduled carpet cleaning. After about an hour of pops damaging eardrums, the choice was made to have me tag along with her brother for the day. It wasn’t so much of a choice, as it was an only decision, since she was away to work with the transportation that would get home.

So here I am hauling around my duffle bag, and eventually end up at a mutual friend’s house. We have breakfast together, a little study time, and chain smoking in between morbid conversations. Two things never happened. The television didn’t get turned on, and music was never played. At one point the three of us are outside discussing the placebo effect which led to picking locks, and other unrelated topics. All of which I had no clue about. I felt useless to the conversation, and so uneducated. I later blurted out, “I guess I need to read more.” The mutual friend answered me with something like this:

“Reading is great! Watching television has been educational to me as well, when it’s not pure entertainment. Watch the Discovery, History, and Science channel and it’s almost like skipping an entire AA (Associate of Arts/ Associate’s) degree. But even though there is so much knowledge in the world, in order to keep it entertaining, television keeps the learning to a minimum.”

Talk about dumbing down. And, ding! A light bulb went on in my head. I sit at home watching lame reality shows that give me useless information about people I don’t know. All this time I could be learning about geography, or something useful, like cooking! Well, I’m going to make an effort to watch more informative television, and I’m not talking about the news, because it’s depressing. But I’m going to take my friend’s advice and watch more documentaries on history and episodes on shark week. God willing, I’ll retain this information with a purpose. I also plan on reading more often.

There is so much to learn about the world around us. If you’re someone who only gets half of the joke, or understands little of a conversation, then take this slight step and change with me. It doesn’t matter how you do it, or what you chose to learn about; just get educated! I think everyone has something that they don’t know, and that this can benefit so many of us to keep ourselves informed. I’m registered for school, and aside from getting my knowledge from questions in a classroom, I believe I can surround myself with other resources for enlightenment/ intelligence.

“Television keeps learning to the minimum”, but as long as you’re feeding your ears and eyes with something positive and informative, you will remain educated. Make the right decision for you! *peace and love*

Jump Roping

It’s nearing my third month of unemployment. My days are unproductive, and I sit at home having my 3 meals, multiple snacks, and a few alcoholic beverages on occasion. The only exercise I get is walking to the liquor store for a pack of cigaretts. Needless to say, I have put on some weight. I’m not a super health freak, but noticing how my clothes are starting to fit is beginning to make me want to have some form of daily exercise. When we got our new dog, I told myself this could be good for me to take him walking. I tried walking our dog, King, once.

So, I was sitting at home thinking about what I can do to get fit. I’ve tried workout routines in the past, and eventually give up after about a month. Then the idea came to me when I was looking at all the space we have in our back yard! I should buy a jump rope! It’s an easy exercise, goes well with music, and works almost every part of your body to burn fat and get toned.

Jump ropes are inexpensive and I could probably make one if I really wanted to be cheap about it. Ha! But sometime this week I will go down to the 99 cent store and see if they sell them, and if not, I’ll fork out anywhere from 5 to 20 bucks on a good rope. I’m excited I got this idea, and can’t wait to start hopping around. Aside from that, a buddy of mine is getting me a Wii gaming system. I hear that Wii Fit is a great work out, so I’m also looking forward to this gift.

If you hate working out in public, like me, then find a secluded spot and get a jump rope. I wouldn’t mind jumping rope at a park, but a gym is out of the question. Having a back yard is a total perk to this form of exercise and for those that are extremely self conscious. Best wishes to you and for your health. *peace and love*

Why We Remain Friends

I’ve been through a lot of break ups. They always end the same with my beaus; not ending completely. I don’t know exactly why it always happens this way, but I know a huge part is me not wanting to let go. Even if I’m the one doing the breaking up, I still have a good reason to keeping them around. I just don’t understand why none of my exes have declined the offer to continue a friendship.

I believe that ties are hard to be broken once you’ve made a friend out of your lover. Besides, isn’t your lover suppossed to be your friend? If we can move forward in our relationships, then it should be acceptable to reverse and take a new direction once you realize that’s not where you want to be emotionally. I’d like to say it’s called “backing up”. It’s hard for me to break away from someone, especially if I know what we can benefit from one another.

I’ve noticed that I look for how someone can be of use in my life. This is not manipulating, but it’s a definite show that everyone I surround myself with has a purpose. I’d hope that they can say the same for me. I enjoy the company, and every one has a part of them that I admire . My friends are my mentors, my strength; providers of anything I may need, and such awesome entertainment! Likewise, I aim to be these things to them. It’s nice to continue in such a courteous way with each other. So if our relationship isn’t leading us to a more serious commitment, I know we can still have a bonding purpose.

I’ll keep you around if you let me, because I truly enjoy us spending time together. I’ll still be your friend if you allow me to, because I’d hate not being able to confide in you. We remain friends because I care for you, and you care for me too. We remain friends because breaking up is hard to do. *peace and love*

Down There At The Pawn Shop

Music. Music has driven me to do something pretty extreme, but totally worth it. At least I hope so, when this is all completed. So, here I am, listening to “Pawn Shop” by Sublime, preparing for today.

When I decided to sell my things, I immediately thought of this song. But, when I listened to it, the song seemed to tell a different story than mine. What is Sublime’s song really about?

One could argue that the song tells a story of someone having sold their belongings because of desperate times. That this person had an important reason to sell something, and you should consider their object to be more than something material. Someone gave away something meaningful; a part of themselves, and you are buying it with a bargain for their suffering. Hence, the lyrics, “What has been sold, not strictly made of stone. Just remember that it’s flesh and bone.”

Yet, on the contrary, one would say it has a direct connection to the band memeber, Bradley, and his drug addiction. Stating that the lyrics, “not set in stone” refer to the ability to buy things back that were once sold. This being a connection to Bradley’s manager, who would buy the member’s pawned instrument back when it was needed to perform.

The song has a tale of saddening honesty to it, and similar underlying message in both described meanings. The pawn shop is a place for deseprate people, trying to get what they want. I may not be pawning things because I want to buy narcotics, but wanting something enough to sell a part of my life makes me just as needy as an addict. If you take to the first meaning referring to someones sufferings, then you can agree that even someone looking for a bargain is desprate also.

I hope that if you ever find yourself in a tough spot, you can weigh the magnitude of it’s suffering. Are you so distraught and without help that you must sell a part of your life? If so, I also hope that you are able to accept the possibility of never recieving that part of you back. And I wish you the satisfaction of what was gained from something that was lost. *peace and love*

Being Awaken By Tears

This is the second time I have had a nightmare that woken me drenched in tears and fear. The first I time I had a dream that caused me to cry in my sleep was no longer than a month ago. I was spending the night at a friend’s house, and the place was a bit disorganized. I was shocked to see the room in the condition that it was, which probably led to the dream I had that morning. My dream took place in another friend’s room, where we began to toss key around. I turned around to pick up the keys and throw them back to her saying, “This is your home, I will not be held responsible for…”, then a rat was thrown at me. I’m not sure who was there, and who had thrown the rat, but it was cawling all over my face and scratching at me. In my fit to get away and pry the rat from my face, I began to panic in my sleep. I had woken with tears streaming down my face and still in shock, thinking there was a rat amongst the mess in the room.

This time my dream was more worrisome. It has been about a year (almost exactly to this date, when I think about it) since my mother and I have had had contact. The relationship between my mother and I has never been well, and not talking to her has been comforting. Just as much of relief I get from keeping my distance, brings about constant thoughts and stress of the relationship we’ve had together. Needlessto say, I am still not past the past.

I’m not sure how the dream started out, because I was starting to come to my senses, until it became intense! At one point I was trying to escape her, but insisted she come with me until I had met up with my ride. Once I had made it to where I needed to be, I was stranded and just so happened to see a friend passing by. I called out to my friend and mentioned that she was just the person I was looking for, so my mother wouldn’t make me go back home with her. My friend asked if I wanted to drive myself, or ride with her, and I opted to follow. Just as my friend took off towards the on ramp to the freeway, my mother began to argue with me. So I rode my motorcycle to catch up to my friend and let her know that I had some business to handle.

My friend followed me back to my mother, and watched as we argued. I was sure that my mother was done yelling at me, and I took off once again. As I took off, my mother jumped onto the back of my vehicle, and began to whisper rude things in my ear. Her tone of voice was disturbing, and this is when I began to get worried. I let my friend continue ahead of me, and stopped my bike. At this point I’m talking to my mother, inquiring why she treats me the way she does, and asking what was the point in her not letting me go peacefully. My mother became outraged and grabbed my mtorcycle and raised it above her, as to prepare to throw it at me. I told her, “Just do it. Hit me.” And so she did. I reached for the phone and called the police, while she screamed in the background, “You’re a terrible daughter! How dare you call the cops on me!” So, I sat there patiently waiting for the cops to come, and worried if my friend had noticed I was not following behind her.

Then my mother started again; yelling and cursing at me and running towards me to strike me. My hands were clinched to the phone, and I was making desperate attempts to call the police again, but my mother was pulling it out of my hands. As she was pulling the phone away from me, she began to whisper rude comments in my ears again, and stab and scratch me in my back with something almost like a knife that had wire/ copper mesh wrapped around the blade. It was painful, and she was trying to kill me. At this point I was trying to wake myself from the dream, but she was stll holding onto me, and I couldn’t escape. Finally, I managed to pull away from her, and this is when I came to. I was still shaking and there was a pain in my back. I continued to cry, just lying there.

I called my brother and explained to him what had happened and that I was still emotional over this nightmare. He gave me amazing advice and helped to calm my nerves.

Pray. Pray that the burdens of the past are lifted from your heart. Pray for the clarity of your mind to have a stable mental heath. Pray that you are able to accept people as they are. Pray to find your purpose. Once you begin to pray for these things, your prayer will act as a sure revelation that these things are beginning to work, and change in you. Allowing yourself to accept people as they are will make it easier to be around them. Because when they act out in certain ways, it will not be shocking to you. You will be able to say to yourself, “This is how they are, I should not worry myself, and act out in anger. I accept them as is.” Praying to have the burdens of the past lifted from your heart will allow you to continue your days in clarity. It will allow you to progress and not be hindered by the constant thoughts of what has happened to you.

May your days be filled with new beginnings, and clarity of mind. *peace and love*

Profaning The Sabbath

It’s Sunday. I try to keep up with my daily bread and get my bible-study-on at the beginning of the week. I wonder. For the Christians out there, can you help me understand why Sunday has been made a day of praise and worship? From what I have learned, in the OT, He rested on the seventh day. The seventh day is Saturday. So Saturday is the sabbath day, right?

I wonder if Sunday was made the day that most attend church so that they would abstain from going out on the sabbath. Even in my studies Jesus did works on the sabbath because they were good. Would not attending church on Saturday (I’m not saying that people don’t) still be considered a good deed?

I’m so new at all this, and I’m sure I will eventually learn and find my way. My guess is just what I have stated, with the consideration of the beliefs of various religous groups. I can assume that depending on a denomination, a person would act according to the laws of their beliefs. I just wonder where all the hype for Sunday came from. Has there been revision from OT to the NT concerning the sabbath? I’m sure I can search online.

May the start of this week be a blessing to you all, as well as the days to come. *peace and love*

Age Aint Nothing But A Number

Today I had a talk about partying and how much of it I’d be doing when I start a family. My answer; a whole lot of it! I truly believe that a person can be mature and still have a good time. Having priorities and living an adult life doesn’t mean you have to give up all the fun. Enjoy yourself with moderation, and never let a crazy night out hinder you from taking care of your business. I know there’s some one out there that would argue and say it’s not being responsible to party a night before work. Busy schedules and heavy sleeping are good excuses for an alarm clock. Invest in one and live your life without missing a beat!

This generation is so fortunate to have advanced technology, and the ability to progress because of it. Multitasking is extended because of the use of computers, internet, and mobile phones. Some older people have caught on and utilize these technologies to allow for a more involved lifestyle. Personally, I like that older adults are stepping up and becoming super alphas socially and in their careers. I like that they learned a lesson from the younger generation. We are showing that we can maintain an important position in the world, but still have a blast doing it! Maybe by the time I have kids, there will be no curfew or bed times. Young people are responsible and set examples too, just as some adults are careless (vice versa). It’s not that maturity comes with age, but that it comes with awareness.

Think about it. *peace and love*